


I am fine......I think...

by Thirstyfangirl_102



Series: The Transformers Sparkling Universe (TTSU) [2]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cannibalism, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Drift is exited to be a sire, Drift makes everything better, Drinking to Cope, F/M, Forced Abortion, I mean it, Knotting, M/M, Mech Preg (Transformers), Medical Trauma, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Nesting, Past Character Death, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Drift, Ratchet deserves better, Ratchet has depression, Rodimus has no filter when he is drunk, Science Experiments, Secret Crush, Transformer Sparklings, Transformers Spark Bonds, Trauma, Triggers, Unplanned Pregnancy, and sometimes ends up being an asshole, but i like to watch him suffer, this is that sometimes, trigger warning, you can take that hc out of my dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29116596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thirstyfangirl_102/pseuds/Thirstyfangirl_102
Summary: Ratchet was fine. No matter what his conjunx or crewmates said. He was. Really. Well, he was as good as he could be, being the CMO on the notorious Lost Light and it`s troublesome crew. But he was okay, sure he was a bit more tired and anxious, and he was more horny, and sure he also had a bit of trouble with controling his emotions and EM field, but that was fine. He probably just overworked himself again. Probably.Although, Cobra has been looking at him weirdly as of late. But no. Ratchet was fine. Probably. Hopefully.
Relationships: Cyclonus/Tailgate (Transformers), Drift | Deadlock/Ratchet, Riptide/OC, Wing/OC, past Pharma/Ratchet
Series: The Transformers Sparkling Universe (TTSU) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098776
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	I am fine......I think...

**Author's Note:**

> So i finally wrote the second part of the previous fic. I know its been a while, but honestly i was feeling depressed and unmotivated to exist much less write. Also fuck school. But i made myself write, edit and post this till the end of this month, so i did. And i kinda feel like i could have made it better, but idk. I will try to write the next part sooner. Btw read the tags before reading, i dont want to trigger anyone, even accidentally, so do mind them before continuing. Also you dont have to read the first part, but things will make more sense if you do. And i do know that there is a canon character that is named Inferno, i know, i fucking forgot and now im too lazy to go back and change everything to just pretend like they are both named Inferno. Leave comments of your reactions to certain parts or just in general i love seeing feedback and just impressions in general. Leave kudos if you want. Also i have no beta reader this time, so if anyone notices any mistakes, feel free to let me know. Ratchet having depression is in my opinion canon, idc, you cant change my mind.

Ratchet has been feeling a bit off recently. After the amazing night he had with Drift, he got gifted new lingerie every other cycle by the third in command. He always complains about how embarrassing it is to wear and even take those, but even Drift knows he is just too ashamed to admit to liking the feel of the silk and lace on his plating. They had tried lots of positions and toys, Drift clearly enjoying the control and power. Although, the aftercare with the soft, cuddly and caring Drift, was just as good as the rough interface. The `facing has been happening more in the past few days even more so than usual, which he didn’t think could be possible. Ratchet just couldn’t seem to keep his servos to himself no matter how hard he tried. Even when he had the long and tiring day at the med-bay, barley able to drag himself to their hab-suite and standing on shaky pedes, the moment he sees his conjunx, he gets a surge of new-found energy and practically tackles him to the berth. They would frag and Ratchet would pretty much pass out right after. Drift would tease him about his old age and snoring when they woke up.  
As Ratchet predicted the bite wound on his neck scared over. Drift apologized profusely and was clearly feeling guilty about it, but after Ratchet found out about the whole `Con claim thing, he understood and forgave very easily. Even if when he first heard about it had thought about how stupid and unnecessary the whole thing is. He will never admit it to anybot, but he felt embarrassed and stupid for feeling safer ever since the whole `claiming` thing. Almost immediately every ex-Decepticon started to either steer clear of him or be very respectful and compliant. Which helped out when it came to check ups. Drift was very bashful and downright embarrassed every time they were at Swerves together and Cobra and Rodimus would start to tease them about it. Although Ratchet did notice how Cobra pretty much completely stopped threatening him, even jokingly, which he can`t say he misses.  
And even though Drift has been saying that it was instinctual to claim him during interface because of his `Con coding being more active during adrenaline and excitement filled moments- Ratchet noticed the way his EM field flared pleased/possessive/aroused whenever he saw how the others reacted to seeing the new scar on his neck cabling. It made him feel protected, which is information he will take to the Afterspark.  
Ratchet was currently heading to his and Drifts hab-suite when he had to pause because of a sharp pain of hunger that passed through him. He noticed the blinking light in his HUD that showed him a warning that his fuel tank was on 29% and getting lower. That made him pause in confusion. He had a full cube, like, a joor ago. There is no way he should only be on 29%. He shook his helm and continued on his way. He felt so tired, which didn’t confuse him in the slightest, that was normal, even if he didn’t have a packed or too busy day. If only having to repair two bots who got into a fight, and had to force three bots into finally getting their check ups, after skipping more than a few before, counted as an easy shift. He sighed and rubbed his optics as he felt a helmache start to grow from behind them as he waited for the door of the hab to open. Once inside he got another cube and drank it quickly. And then another. Before he could overthink why he felt so hungry, he felt an overwhelming wave of fatigue and sleepiness wash over him and he barely made it to his berth before collapsing. He crawled under the tarp, but couldn’t fall into recharge no matter how much he turned. The tarp he used usually, now felt very uncomfortable and like it was scratching over his oversensitive plating. He vented deeply and threw off the uncomfortable fabric before noticing the soft, mesh blanket Drift liked, and grabbed it. Wrapping himself in the softness and warmth, he vented deeply and his spark beat calmed, he felt so safe surrounded by the smell of the special wax Drift liked to use. He fell into recharge so quickly he didn’t even notice.  
He snapped out of recharge and swept his dim, hazy and tired optics in search of what woke him, only to land on a Drift who was halfway on the way of laying next to him, feeling his calm field slowly tangling with his barley there tired one. ``Sorry, I had a longer shift today so I just came back. Didn’t think I`d see you here early and already recharging, not that I`m complaining, it`s good to see you taking care of yourself. Also sorry I didn’t mean to wake you``, Drift whispered. But before he could get under the blanket with Ratchet and cuddle up, Ratchet spoke up his voice staticky. ``Hey, could you please get me a glass of energon, I feel like I`m starving``. Drift nodded and got up and walked to the fuel dispenser on the other side of the room. Just as he finished filling a cube, he noticed the two already empty cubes on the table that weren’t there that morning. That’s weird, Ratchet never drinks this much even when I nag him to fuel, and now he is even asking for more, Drift thought before he turned to walk back to Ratchet. But he got stopped again, ``Actually, make that two cubes, please`` Ratchet said in a gruff voice laced with static, his optics dim and barley online watching Drift from where he was laying on his side, curled up under the blanket. That made Drift ten times more worried than before. He got both cubes and watched as Ratchet practically inhaled both of them, before returning them to Drift and flopping back on the berth where he pretty much immediately fell right into recharge.  
Drift discarded all four empty cubes, before curling around Ratchet and fell into recharge, and gave himself a reminder to ask Ratchet to see First Aid first thing tomorrow.  
Ratchet had a hard time recharging on the best of days, his processor always overthinking and worrying about everything. He forgot to fuel most of the time because of how busy he was, so either Drift or First Aid had to force him to take at least a cube, before he fell into stasis. So to see him so easily recharging and drinking so much energon on his own, and even asking for some, was raising more than one red flag in Drifts processor.  
The alarm that blared next to his head made his tanks roll. Ratchet wanted to grab it and throw it at the nearest wall, just to hear the satisfying sound of it braking. He blindly reached around himself, his optics still offline. The brightness of their room will only make his urge to purge even worse. He slapped the frame curled around his front, hearing it groan before a servo caught his and held it. ``Drift if you don’t turn that thing off right now I will personally slam it over your head until it brakes open`` he grumbled, shoving his helm into the chest plates in front of him and nuzzling them. ``Wow, grumpy and cuddly this early in the morning? Where were you hiding this side of you Ratty?`` Drift teased as he reached over Ratchets helm and turned off the alarm. The only response was a mumble against his chassis that made him chuckle.  
Drift slowly sat up on the berth and heard Ratchet whine while he clung to his waist. Now this was starting to worry Drift. Ratchet was never the overly touchy one of the two, usually the speedster is the one who has to initiate the touching. That made him slowly pet the medics helm trying to gain his attention, he got a curious hum as the only indicator he was being listened to. ``Hey Ratty, have you been feeling `kay recently?`` he tried to ask without making Ratchet catch on too quickly and shut his concern down. ``Mmmmm, no I have been fine, just more tired and hungry, nothing too unusual considering how stressed and busy I am on a daily basis`` he said against his waist plating trying to shove his helm further, like he was trying to meld it to his waist. ``And more horny and cuddly it would seem`` Drift said quietly under his breath. Not quietly enough apparently. ``And can you blame me? It`s your fault that you`re so damn irresistible all the time``. The swordsmech could only laugh and kiss his conjunxes helm. ``But just to be sure can you go and check in with First Aid?``, he felt the frame under his servo tense up, the field inter-wound with his quickly pull back, and he knew he fragged up. ``Ratt-``,but he got cut off before he could try to convince him,`` No, I am fine, I am the fragging CMO of this ship and I know when I`m sick or something is wrong. And I`m telling you I.am.fine.`` At that point both of them were glaring at each other, neither wanting to be the one to relent. Drift ex-vented heavily and looked away first, knowing he won`t get anywhere right now and will just have to try a different tactic. Sensing he won this argument Ratchet smirked and sat up as well `` Yeah, I thought so``.  
Drift got up and garbed them both a cube that they drank together in silence. Ratchet was thinking about all the things he had to do in the med bay and all the check ups scheduled for that day. He wondered how many mechs will try to weasel their way out of it which worsened his mood. He sipped slowly, trying to feel if his tanks will reject the fuel and make him purge. He hoped it won`t because that would just make Drift smug that he was right and he will force him to go to First Aid. They finished and got up to get ready for their shifts. Drift secured his swords back in their place to his frame and turned to give Ratchet a goodbye kiss that lasted longer than needed. Not that Ratchet was complaining. He loved the feeling of the smooth warm mouth-plating of his partner, but just as the kiss started to get heated Drift pulled away and stood up in front of him. The medic groaned and cut off his vocalizer before he whined at the loss, the bot in front of him only chuckled and bent to kiss Ratchet on his red chevron. He could feel the smile on the ex-Decepticons lips, before he pulled back.  
They both exited their hab-suite together and went their separate ways. On his way to the med-bay Ratchet ran into Inferno who smiled and waved at him on her way to Brainstorms and Perceptors lab to probably help them understand how her overheating and fire worked. Before she got too far Ratchet called her, she whipped around with a raised optic ridge, her red optics shining in confusion. ``When you are done with the experiments take Cobra and come to the med-bay, it`s your check up today`` he told her quickly before continuing on his way. He heard her ex-venting and smiled, as much as those two hated being in the med-bay, at least they didn’t try to run away from it. Ok so two bots he could take off the list already. Only eight more to go. Joy. Today was gonna be a long day.  
Drift was walking to Rodimus`s office for a meeting with Ultra Magnus and their captain. He could already hear them arguing over whatever new idea Rodimus had thought of and decided they should do, that would probably end in a disaster. Like most things involving Rodimus did. The white mech shook his head while smiling in amusement at his amicas stubbornness. He loved the bot, of course, but he understood how difficult it could be to work or get along with the hotheaded leader.  
Just as he rounded the corner to the office he felt something collide with his frame before crashing into a heap on the floor. He reflexively grabbed one of his swords and his field projected surprise, his battle protocols quickly turning on. But once he noticed who it was that ran in him he ex-vented, his flared up plating calming down as he did. He felt relived it was only Cobra who ran into him and not an actual enemy.  
``Primus, are you made out of unbreakable steel?`` Cobra groaned as she slowly got back onto her pedes, holding her helm with a servo, the plating on her back opening to let out all the smoldering heat she built up. ``What did we all tell you about using your speed around the hallways? You`re lucky you ran into me and not Ultra Magnus, he would have had your helm, or worse would have made you sit through one of his speeches about running in the halls``. She only rolled her purple optics clicking her teeth in annoyance. ``Yeah, yeah, no need to remind me of those. I was just on my way to meet up with Inferno, she is playing a lab rat again``. Drift chuckled and rolled his blue optics before patting her shoulder and walking past her, but just as he was about to lay his servo on the panel of the door to input the entry code he heard Cobra call him. He turned his helm around his finials turning up in alert and to indicate he was listening.`` By the way later me and Inferno have to go to Ratchet for the stupid check up, if you want me to tell him anything? Maybe how much you can`t wait for the end of your shift so you can go whisk him away to your love room where you will frag his processor out of his helm?`` she said waggling her optic ridges while her fanged mouth split into an even bigger smile than usual. Drift just snorted and rolled his optics, irritated at her immature attitude, why did he always attract bots like that. Her face plate used to terrify him if he was being honest. I mean not a lot of bots are comfortable being in the presence of a cannibal, especially when they didn’t have lips, just fangs that go from cheek to cheek in a weird twisted smile, her big front fangs always catching the light. It reminded him of one of the Desepticons, Random, one of Blitzwings faceplates. He remembered Ratchet offering to at least try to fix it for her in some way, but she had refused, it had been so long that she didn’t mind nor care for the stares she got, she was comfortable with her looks. That made him quickly turn around trying to catch Cobra who was thankfully still in the same hallway, slowly walking clearly talking on the comm.  
``Hey Cobra! Can you keep an optic out for any weird behavior with Ratchet while you`re at the med-bay later?``. That got him a confused look. ``I guess? Might I ask why?``  
``It`s probably just me worrying over nothing, but it`s better to be sure than sorry. Lately he has been more tired than usual. He has been fueling a lot on his own without anyone forcing him, and just last night he asked me to give him more. Also his aura has been acting very differently and just, off. Not to mention how needy and horny he has been``. He muttered the last sentence quietly, but not quietly enough for Cobras sensitive hearing. That got him a bark of laughter.  
``Awww, is the old party ambulance wearing our third in command out? I`m sure if you asked Brainstorm or Perceptor could make some aphrodisiac that will make you last longer. Though I guess I could make a poison with the same properties, although it will end up killing you from so much constant interfacing, eh, not the worst way to go`` she shrugged.  
``Look are you actually going to help or not?`` the speedster bit out, noticing his chronometer warning him that if he didn’t move soon he would end up late to the meeting. ``Ok, ok, I`ll help, no need to bite my helm off. I guess I`ll report to you later at Swerves then`` she saluted before turning and walking away in the direction of the lab.  
Drift servo-palmed his helm, re-thinking if he should have maybe kept this to himself and tried finding out if Ratchet is sick himself. But it was too late, he already shared too much for the nosy ex-Decepticon to not continue observing and collecting information on her own. One of these days her nosiness and big mouth is going get her killed.  
With that behind him Drift entered the office which led to the screaming match between Rodimus and Ultra Magnus stopping for the moment. Both of them were looking at him, Rodimus being the first to break the silence, because of course he was ``Fucking finally! Took you long enough, what were you even doing, if it involves Ratchet I want details``. Before Drift could answer he got interrupted by the giant blue mech ``Please don’t``. He ex-vented. ``Don’t worry Magnus, I have enough decency and I like my private life staying private enough to not say anything. Not that it even was what you were hoping for Roddy, I was simply having a convo with Cobra, I ra- walked into her in the corridor`` he quickly corrected himself before he outed the femme directly to Ultra Magnus and got her in trouble. She still needed to tell him her findings on Ratchet. And besides, he didn’t hate her enough to put her in the position of getting scolded by the second in command and getting some form of punishment.  
``Anyway, back to me, Drift please tell Ultra Magnus that we need some supplies so we should dock on the Ethura and get them. And while we are already there we could take a few days off to relax and have some fun there. I heard they have amazing racing tracks and racing shows``.  
``Drift please tell Rodimus that we don’t need those supplies that bad and can wait a bit longer for a next stop, because Ethura isn’t known for always being mecha-friendly, not to mention they take in bounty hunters, who knows how many hits are placed on the bots of Lost Light. He should think more rationally and of the well- being of the whole crew, not just his own satisfaction``.  
They both glared at each other and continued their previous yelling and arguing not even giving Drift a chance to give his input or opinion. Today is gonna be a long day.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Cobra was skipping while walking next to a tired Inferno who dragged her pedes, her wings lowered in exhaustion. It seemed that Brainstorm and Percy really milked her for all her worth, she thought amused.  
``You think Ratchet will let us out early because we didn’t make any problems about getting our check up?`` the flier asked hope flickering in her dimmer than usual optics. ``Yeah, I`m afraid we both know that is unlikely to happen, he likes to be as thorough as possible``, she patted her amica on her shoulder trying to comfort her, although she had to get on the tip of her pedes to be able to reach it. She really hated how small she was sometimes. I mean, she is taller than a mini-bot, but still, she was tiny next to the other crewmates. But then again it also worked in her favor when she needs to be stealthy or to hide somewhere or even crawl in small spaces, her favorite had to be when her precious Wing used to carry he- and we aren’t thinking about that. Not now, not sober. Maybe later, after a healthy dose of engex.  
Shaking her helm to physically get rid of her thoughts that strayed into those dark corners she tried avoiding, like Rung told her. She didn’t need those memories surfacing, not when she had an important task of watching out for Drifts lover. Sure back when they were Decepticons they had a few encounters, non of them ended well, mostly for Cobra who couldn’t help and probe his nerves on purpose, now they were friends, good friends even, and she would absolutely love being able to help him out.  
They finally reached the med-bay and upon entry barley moving out of the way of the incoming, flying wrench that almost hit Inferno right across her faceplate. Instead it just hit her audial which bent it. The black and red femme clutched her injured audial and groaned `` Wow Ratchet I thought you were supposed to be a medic not a wrecker`` she grumbled walking to the nearest med-berth.`` I can be both when I need to`` with that he walked over to the side of the berth that held the sleepy seeker.  
Cobra noticed that Ratchet also seemed to react to Infernos tired EM field, his optics dimmed, his movement getting a tad bit slower, his field that projected the usual calm/safe/healer of a medic project tired as well. Which was the first flag in her processor, Ratchet never broke his professionalism while working, so this was a big thing.  
She watched as the CMO worked on un-bending her amicas audial swiftly and quickly, Inferno wincing only once before it was over. ``May I ask why you seem to have woken up and choose violence today?`` Cobra asked standing on the other side of the berth waiting for her turn. She got a heavy ex-vent and a grumble as a response before he asked the seeker to open her port so he could plug in and see if there is any problem. The black and red femme did as she was told, too tired to complain or do much besides follow instructions. Thankfully she was so exhausted, otherwise she might have had another episode.  
Cobra laid a servo on her shoulder, leaving it there to keep her grounded and in the present, not letting her thoughts stray to the past. She turned her attention from Inferno and felt her processor turn on and start to work on gathering new information. It noted all of Ratchets movements, vents, fidgeting, mumbling and the way his EM field changed and moved against Infernos, and comparing it to the usual pattern it had about the medic. She already had a few red flags popping up. Ratchet seemed to ramble a lot more than usual, he seemed to be distracted by something, his EM field was pulling back and he seemed to keep touching his chest-plating right above his spark chamber subconsciously, he probably didn’t even know he was doing it. It could be because of many things, her processor listed off all the possible things that would cause all of these symptoms, most of them were viruses or glitches.  
Before she could get too into her selection of possible reasons for the grumpy old ambulances weird behavior she got snapped out of her thoughts by being called by said bot. Apparently Inferno got off quicker due to almost nodding off on the berth while Ratchet was connected to her.  
The small bot rolled her optics and watched Inferno stand up and stretch out her wings before slumping and dragging to the nearest chair. She moved to the empty berth and quickly jumped on, opening the port on her arm and showing it to the red and white mech. He plugged in and she ex-vented, clutching the edge of the berth with her clawed servo, leaving dents and scratches. She will probably never feel completely comfortable with being connected to any medic, she felt too vulnerable being stripped away from all her defenses and being looked into so deeply. Cobra watched Ratchet as closely as possible, her processor running and trying to notice any new movement or mumbles. She noticed his EM field flare up for a moment, filled with anxiety/fear/confusion, before pulling tightly back. But that one moment was more than enough for the black femme to note and put into her new folder of things she will bring up with Drift later. This is one of the reasons Cobra never had her EM field out and open around other mechs. It showed too much of her emotions and made her feel too out of control, she only let her field out around bots she felt extremely safe and comfortable with. Not to mention the fact that her field was projecting grief/guilt/bitter/longing 24/7 and it would only make the other bots uncomfortable to be around her even more than they usually were. Many were confused how she could be comfortable with having her field always pulled to her plating, especially when she is overcharged, but she always told them she was just so used to it she didn’t even notice that it was pulled. The truth was she herself wasn’t sure how she did it, it was just one of the mysteries of her existence, kinda like how her processor even worked or her creators. Whoever they are I hope they suffer in the pit for abandoning me in the Dead End, she thought bitterly before stirring her processor back to Ratchet.  
``Have you been having any problems with anything lately, any weird feelings while transforming, pain in your t-cog, weird noises in your engines, any damage due to over-heating from running over your limit?`` he asked as he disconnected them and pulled the cables back.  
``No, not that I remember. If I feel anything I`ll come straight here``, she answered while closing her port and climbing down from the berth and stretching back, then snapped her neck cables and ex-venting in satisfaction. ``I`m gonna go and take Inferno to her hab before she falls into recharge on your chair over there``. She heard Ratchet chuckle behind her as she walked over and grabbed her amica by the arm and shake her awake. They both left the med-bay and slowly tracked to Infernos door. Cobra waved her goodbye before walking over to her own hab-suite that was thankfully close to Infernos. She checked her chronometer as she entered her hab and saw that it was more than two hours before Drift got off his shift. Well that’s just great. Huffing and looking around her bare room she ex-vented and concluded that taking a short recharge till Drift got off shift would be the best option.  
Flopping onto her berth she grabbed the large pillow that was bigger than her and hugged it before cocooning under a soft, warm blanket and offlined her optics. It wasn’t long before she fell into recharge without any thoughts, hopeful that maybe this time she could have a peaceful dreamless recharge. She wasn’t lucky.  
The blaring alarm that she set for the ending of Drifts shift pulled her from her dream violently. She snapped awake and jumped into a sitting position, her frame covered in coolant, her fans whirring into overdrive trying to cool her down, a blaring light in her HUD warning her that her frame is close to overheating, her ragged venting slowing down. She quickly opened the panels on her back, and felt her frame start to finally cool, the sound of the metal popping as it cooled filling the room, and saw a bit of smoke coming out of the filters under her back panels.  
Her processor was working into overdrive. The memories from the dream filling her helm, even as she desperately tried to push them back, or delete them. But it wasn’t working. All she could see was yellow optics full of desperate love and fear, white plating gleaming in the moon light making it seem otherworldly, a smooth and rich voice filled with amusement and affection, the feeling of rough and calloused servos against her plating, the pure feeling of love and adoration of the two sparks finally merging, the grief consuming and spark-braking screams coming from her vocalizer at the feeling of their bond being suddenly severed, the- before she could spiral even more she get a comm request from Drift that snaps her out of it and makes her calm down before she answered the comm.  
``Hey, I just got off, let`s meet up at Swerves I`m on my way there as we speak``, Cobra had to reboot her vocalizer a few times before she felt like her response wouldn’t just be static or glitching, which would make Drift ask question she doesn’t want to talk about. ``Honestly Drift, I would love to meet up with you and tell you exactly what is up with Ratchet but the amount of information I have at the moment isn’t even close enough for me to come to a confident conclusion. There is a lot of possibilities of what it could be that is causing the out of character behavior and I`m not gonna shoot in the dark here, not about this. My processor is working overtime trying to single out every possible thing it could be, but I will need a bit more time. Give me a couple of days to gather more evidence and when I have a theory I feel comfortable to stand behind I will tell you immediately``. There was a small silence where Cobra wasn’t sure if Drift cut off the comm when he spoke up `` Are you sure you`re ok? I appreciate all you are doing, but don’t over exert yourself, you won`t be helping anyone by working your processor into stasis. Do you want me to comm Inferno to come to your hab?`` but he got interrupted by a frantic and panicked Cobra ``No, no, it`s fine, I`m fine, just, don’t worry about me, worry about your conjunx, I`ll be fine. I promise``.  
``If you`re sure than fine I will drop it. But thank you anyway. I will tell you if I notice anything new myself. I guess we will see each other in two days at Swerves, unless something big happens``.  
``Ok, that’s fine with me. This reminds me of back during the war when we were forced to work together. You hated it when you actually needed some information on one of your hits that you couldn’t get yourself``.  
Before she got an answer she heard Drift talk to someone else before apologizing and promising to talk later before cutting off the comm. Cobra heavily ex-vented before falling back into her berth and covering her optics with her servos. She turned on her side and decided to let her processor run through all the symptoms she noticed on Ratchet and even when she felt a helmache come over from over use of her processor on overdrive she didn’t stop, if she was lucky she would power off before her memories started to come crawling back to haunt her.  
Three days after the weird feeling he had in the med-bay during the standard check up, things have only gotten worse. He has been feeling more tired, needing to sleep more than usual, he and Drift barley had any interface because of how often Ratchet fell into recharge before they could do anything. He felt more hungry, now having to take up to five or six cubes in one day just to not go into stasis. Not to mention the fact that he started to put the weirdest metal combinations in his fuel, he was also starting to crave sweets more and more. But what really threw him off was how out of control his EM field got over the smallest changes in other mechs fields. Not to even mention the really uncomfortable feeling he got in his chest, around his spark. He would have been more alarmed and would have already checked out what was happening if he wasn’t so busy the past few days. It was probably nothing anyway, just his anxiety, it has gotten worse this past few days too, as well as his depression. Drift had noticed his mood change and doted on him much more, which he greatly appreciated. He still couldn’t believe this young, beautiful, capable mech chose him an old, boring, ambulance.  
He was currently on his way to Swerves to tell Rodimus about his need of some supplies in the med-bay. He entered the bar and noticed the prime sitting next to the black and red seeker and the black and purple cannibal. They were all drinking and talking, Cobra and Rodimus laughing hysterically and holding onto each other while Inferno slid down in her seat her wings flicking in embarrassment.  
He walked to their table and caught onto their conversation. It would seem they were once again teasing Inferno about her crush on their resident hydrobot Riptide. They kept laughing even when he cleared his intake trying to gain their attention. He did it again, a bit louder this time, he couldn’t really blame them for not noticing him yet, they were a bit charged already and the music wasn’t quiet. Finally Inferno sees him and greets him, which grabs the attention of the two bots who were now trying to keep in their giggles.  
``Oh, hey Ratch, whatcha doing here? When did you even get here?`` Cobra asked as she calmed down, while Rodimus continued to chuckle next to her while he leaned on her smaller frame. ``Oh a few kliks ago, not that you noticed, considering you and Rodimus were too busy bullying poor Inferno`` the medic snapped back, he was currently feeling very irritated and just wanted this whole thing to be over as soon as possible so he could finally go to his and Drifts hab, have some fuel, cuddle with his lover and recharge. He could feel his stiff back and joints feel even worse, which just made him more annoyed, his EM field projecting his frustration. It didn’t seem to bother the bots at the table, who were pretty much used to him being grumpy and snappy.  
``Please Ratchet you make it seem like we are torturing her or something, it`s just a bit of good natured teasing, she doesn’t mind right?`` their captain looked at the seeker waiting for a response. ``Yeah, it`s ok, at this point I`m used to them, especially Cobra, so this is fine`` she said pointedly looking at her amica with blazing red optics. ``Bitch, how is it my fault that you can`t seem to get with the guy you have been simping over for, oh you know, the better part of a YEAR, so excuse me if I tease you a bit about it. Maybe finally get with Riptide and I will stop``. Ratchet rolled his optics at Cobras use for Earth slang, he never understood why she loved to use it. The other crew members picked most of their Earth slang from her. Inferno quickly reached over the table and slapped a servo over her fanged mouth and nervously looked around before glaring at Cobra. ``Can you be more quiet about it, I am sure that the whole bar heard you just now, and the last thing I need is you ruining what little progress I made with him because he overheard you and your shitty jokes`` she said sternly while looking around to see if the blue bot was anywhere near them. She visibly relaxed once she came to the conclusion he was nowhere near, her wings that have been in a high arch and stiff in panic, slowly lowered down.  
``If you are quite done with your dispute, I need to talk with Rodmus, our dear captain, about some things we need for the med-bay, and you can continue to talk about who `simps` for who after`` Ratchet interrupted their conversation, impatiently rolling his optics at their behavior and starting to tap a pede on the floor and glared at the red and gold speedster who looked surprised to be addressed. Cobra and Inferno looked at each other, smiled and looked back at Ratchet. Their combined smug looks made Ratchet shiver uncomfortably, this couldn’t end well.  
``Oh Ratty, while we are on the topic of simping, isn’t your dear conjunx, like the king of simping? I mean he literally waited like what over four million years to get with you, protected you even while he was a Decepticon, cut off your exes hands and gave them to you, and all because you saved him and told him he is special`` Cobra sais through a giggle. Ratchet felt his frame heat up in embarrassment, but before he got a chance to say anything or even defend himself Inferno cuts him off. ``I`m pretty sure Drift invented simping dude, I mean remember when he bought a whole damn energon goodies store for their anniversary just because Ratchet said he liked the sweets?``. ``Oh slag you`re right I completely forgot about that``.  
Ratchet could feel his chevron heat up and turn a deeper red at the tips at the mention of the `gift` he received from Drift on their last anniversary. It was as embarrassing as it was endearing, and unfortunately for them somebot (It was Cobra) found out and, well gossip spreads fast through the ship, especially if the source was reliable. He growled at the two femmes and used his famous Hatchet glare on them, and tried to keep what little dignity he could, but it only made them burst out laughing. That made him even madder and his field flared in agitation and anger. That’s when Rodimus, now finishing his new drink that Ratchet didn’t know when he managed to get, decided to speak up.  
``You know what I never understood? Why Drift simped and continues to simp for Ratchet. Like, I get that most of it started based on emotional attraction, which yeah obviously, it makes sense``, he slurred slightly as he slumped on the table, his optics scrunched in deep thought and confusion. ``What do you mean `obviously`?`` Ratchet couldn’t help but snap, his curiosity on their captains opinion high.  
``C`mon Ratchet, no offense, but ya know, you aren’t the most physically appealing mech, at least in my opinion, with the stocky old frame, and let`s be honest your personality is quite lacking with the grumpy, snappy, boring, old aesthetic. I don’t know maybe that’s just me, but I really can`t see a young, hot, fun bot being satisfied, maybe it`s just because you`re not my type bu-`` he got cut off by two pedes kicking his legs roughly and hard enough to leave dents. He hissed in pain and glared at them but before he could say anything he noticed the surprised looks on their face-plates and utter shock in their optics. That’s when he through his buzz noticed the EM field that was a second ago filled with annoyance/frustration/irritation now clearly project shock/sadness/insecurity. That made his helm snap towards the bot who was emitting said field, and he too was left in utter shock, his mouth hanging open.  
Ratchet was standing stiff, his vents closed, his mouth in a firm frown, his blue optics open wide and filled with hurt and surprise, but what made them all freeze and stare were the coolant tears that filled his optics and threatened to overflow. Cobra slowly called his name and reached out with her servo, but before she could make contact with his plating, he made a choked off sob sound before he turned around and quickly left. Cobra stood up to go after him but stopped, realizing she couldn’t really help and would only make things worse.  
``Wow, so, that happened`` Rodimus said in the silence that fell after the retreat of the CMO. He was met with a heated glare from Inferno, and a poisoned filled one from Cobra. He winced and slowly slid down in his seat. He ex-vented and prepared for the berating he would surely endure for the rest of the night.

Ratchet practically ran back to his and Drifts hab, not even acknowledging the few bots who he ran past who greeted him. He just wanted to be in his safe place when he felt so vulnerable, not out here where anybot could see and judge him. He slammed the code into the door and ran in and locked the door behind himself. He crawled into the berth and grabbed the fluffy blanket that Drift loved to use that smelled like the wax he liked to use. He threw it over his helm and laid in a fetal position under the blanket, hugging his knees. Here in the darkness Ratchet finally let out the coolant tears flow and it was like a dam broke, he couldn’t seem to stop. He sobbed freely, his vents hitching on the intakes. He couldn’t help but replay all the things Rodimus said and all his insecurities came hurling. He knew he wasn’t the most physically attractive mech, nor is his personality all that desirable, but Drift always assured him that he was more than enough. But what if Rodimus could feel how Drift really felt during their amica spark merging, or if he secretly confided in him. What if the only reason Drift puts up with him and is still with him is because he feels like he owes him for saving his life back in Rodion. He wouldn’t blame the speedster if he felt like that, but he didn’t feel anything like that while they merged. And yet his processor whispered more insecurities and he could feel his spark grow heavier and burn, twist and spin in his chest uncomfortably. He could feel even more coolant escape his optics. He was leaving dents in his lower lip-plating from his denta biting into it while he tried to keep his sobs from escaping his vocalizer and being a bit quieter. A sudden thought made him freeze up. What will Drift say when he finds out about his almost breakdown at Swerves. He will get over worried and won`t stop asking and probing until Ratchet told him exactly what made him almost start sobbing in a full bar. And Ratchet would rather offline himself than admit Rodimus got to him, and so hard too, enough to make him have a depressive episode. A very sudden and hard twist in his spark made him slightly jump and grab his chest plate with a servo on reflex. It made him pause in his spiraling and prop himself on a servo. He had enough of this weird acting up his spark has been doing for the past few days. He decided to just open his plates and take a look at his spark chamber directly, if he couldn’t see anything visually wrong, then it was probably nothing too serious and it could wait till tomorrow when he could use the equipment in the med-bay for a thorough examination. But what he saw once his spark was in his line of sight made him reset his optics three times. There right next to his spark was spinning a very small, ball of light. A sparkling. His and Drifts.  
No, no, nononononononono, please, not again, not this, anything but this, I can`t go through this, not again, Ratchet thought desperately, a sob getting wretched from his vocalizer, his drying optics getting overflown by a new wave of coolant. It slid down his warm faceplates and left a cool feeling. He closed his plating in a daze, his processor in overdrive trying to think of what to do, how this even happened, what he is going to do. But before he could get too much into his helm, he heard the door of the room get unlocked and already knowing that only one bot knew the code for the lock he froze. Drift. He felt panic seize his spark and squeeze it, he quickly laid on his side, turned towards the wall and covered himself with the warm and soft blanket that now felt suffocating. He tried calming down his venting as much as possible as to not alert his lover that something was wrong. He couldn’t even hear the swordmech come in or get ready for recharge over the sound of his spark and fuel pumping fast in his panic.  
Oh Primus, what is he going to do with Drift? What if he found out? He needs Drift for the survival of the newspark, he is the sire after all, he deserves to know. He should know. Ratchet should tell him. But. But what if it turned out like last time? What if he reacted like Pharma? Ratchet wouldn’t be able to handle it. He knew logically that Drift was nothing like his ex-lover Pharma, but the panic and overwhelming fear won over and he could only see and hear his conversation with Pharma, except instead of Pharma, in front of Ratchet now stood Drift. Ratchet curled up and held a servo protectively on his plating over where his spark lays. He felt his processor start to power off due to all the stress and overworking it went through. He hoped he wouldn’t dream of those horrible memories that plagued his nightmares from time to time. The last thing he heard before he fell into recharge was Drift getting under the blanket and hugging his waist from behind.  
He was back in that room. Sitting on the berth and staring at the mech looming over him with an irritated look in his blue optics. His own optics were pleadingly looking at the seeker standing in front of him, he could feel coolant gather in his optics, but tried to not cry, at least not in front of the other bot. ``Ratchet, we had this talk, neither of us has time for that, not now, and not to mention that you know how I feel about those `things`, they aren’t for me. I barley have patience for the idiots at work, now I have to come here and deal with yours as well? Honestly Ratchet do you like making life harder for me?`` the other medic asked, annoyance clear in his huffy voice, his wings fluttering in irritation. Ratchet flinched, and bit his lip, not being able to stop the coolant from sliding down his faceplate, his servo instinctively clutching over his chest plating. He knew this wasn’t a good time for a sparkling, with how busy they both were, especially he with the new clinic he just opened in the Dead End. And yet, he didn’t want to terminate his newspark, their newspark. He didn’t have enough time to actually get attached to the small spark, and yet he already loved it. ``I know, but, we could, maybe, you know, please-`` but he got cut off by his past lover. ``Ratchet, enough, this argument is over, I will get you an appointment as soon as possible``. But Ratchet felt fear stab his spark ``No, please Pharma, I can take time off from work, I , I can even not work until the sparkling grows, just please let me keep it I-`` but he got cut off yet again. ``Ratchet are you telling me you are going to throw away all the time you spent learning at the medical school for nothing, you will let your forged hands rust unused just for a sparkling? Ratchet you found out about it today, your carrier coding didn’t even have time to activate yet, you are overreacting. We will have an appointment made for tomorrow, I will not let you waste your talent and luckiness over a stupid thing like a sparkling`` he spat the last word like it was poison. Ratchet hugged himself and nodded, he understood where Pharma was coming from, and that he was probably right, but at the moment all he could feel and think about was the panic and fear of his newspark he created with his lover getting taken from him and snuffed out. He spent that whole night crying with his chest-plating open, looking at his bared spark and the newspark that slowly rotated around his. He savored as much of the sight as he could before Pharma came to get him for his appointment and told him to get up and freshen up, he isn’t going in public with Pharma looking like a mess. He didn’t remember the appointment, it all felt hazy and like trough a fog, he felt like it was all happening to someone else, it was like he was out of his own frame and watching it happen to someone else. He remembered only one moment, it was when the newspark was ripped from his spark, it felt like the worst pain he ever felt, like someone was stabbing his spark with small needles repeatedly. He wanted to cry out, to trash, to stop them, but one glare from Pharma made him freeze up and lay limp on the medical berth again. He just wanted this to be over as quickly as possible. He offlined his optics and for the first and last time in his life, he prayed. Please Primus, let it be over. Please.  
He got woken up by the feeling of kisses being placed all over his neck cables and back plating. A pair of servos massaging the cables that connected his hip and legs. Ratchet ex-vented and pushed his frame back against the one behind him, which earned him a chuckle right against his audial-receptor and one of the servos leaving his hip cables, moving to press against his valve cover. The medic ground his aft against the swordmechs panel and that got him a groan of appreciation. Drift asked Ratchet to open his panel in a hoarse voice, rutting his hips against him desperately. Just as he was about to slide the valve panel aside and feel Drifts big spike finally satisfy the ache in his empty valve after days of no action, he remembered the accident from the previous night which made his tank drop and his desire disappear immediately. He caught Drifts servo and removed it from his cooling panel and sat up. ``Hey, what`s wrong?`` he was meet with confused optics of his berthmate. He could practically feel the charge coming from the sleek frame, his fans already whirring on a low setting from the heat he was steadily building up. Ratchet felt bad, he did, he too was feeling sexually frustrated, but he just couldn’t do anything, not with the panic that held his processor in a tight hold. He was too on edge from fear of his sparkmate accidently finding out that he is sparked. He couldn’t, no he wouldn’t let that happen, he will not let another helpless newspark die, not if he can help it. ``It`s nothing, I just remembered that First Aid asked me to help him with one of his patients, so I should get going as fast as possible I don’t need him panicking that he is doing something wrong``.  
``Oh, well I guess you better hurry huh? I`ll see you after shift ok? I think I can get off earlier today so we can have some fun tonight. I`ve missed you Ratty, it has been a while since we had time for anything, much less interfacing``, Ratchet smiled forcefully and nodded before heading for the door. ``Oh and Ratch, if something`s wrong you will tell me, right?``. That made him pause at the open door and he had second thoughts about not telling his conjunx about their newspark, but then he remembered what happened last time he told his lover and he shook his helm. ``Of course I would Drift, I trust you`` he lied trough his denta and felt horrible about it, he knew how much it meant to Drift that Ratchet trusted him and was always truthful, but he couldn’t feel too bad once he thought about how this small lie was protecting the small spark rotating around his. He heard Drift heavily ex-vent and get up to get ready for his own shift.  
On his way to the med-bay Ratchet tried to calm down and think rationally and logically. But his panic and fear held his processor in a vice grip and was not letting up. He didn’t notice that he ran into a slightly bigger bot until he heard a groan come from behind him. He paused and looked over his shoulder to see Rodimus who was holding his own shoulder and grumbling, next to him stood Cobra who was stifling her laughter behind her servo. He saw the smaller bot look at him and he froze. He couldn’t let anybot figure out something was going on with him, especially not Cobra who would tell Drift. He turned back around and quickly made his way to his destination. Upon arrival he noticed First Aid still hasn’t come, which was perfect, it gave Ratchet enough time to get his slag together and think of a plan on what in the pit he was going to do. He would do anything to protect his little creation, he knew it would take a few days if not a week for his carrier coding to start activating. That didn’t stop him from feeling attached to it, probably overly attached, not that anyone could blame him, not after the trauma he had from his past relationship.  
Taking in a deep vent, he cleared his processor. First things first, how is Ratchet going to hide the whole thing from his perceptive lover? He could keep his distance, still have interface once in a while, but absolutely no merging, he can just lie and say he wasn’t feeling in the mood due to all the stress recently, he was tired. Drift wouldn’t want to endanger his well-being so he will be respectful and keep his distance. Once the spark traveled to his gestation chamber to merge with the frame and incubate till emergence, his abdomen plating will grow with the sparkling, he wasn’t sure how he is going to hide that. He was stocky and big as it was sure, but it`s going to be hard to hide that. He could think of what to do for that later, he is going to need a lot of fuel and rest deeper he gets in his term. He could hide the extra fuel he intakes and he will need to ask for days off for extra rest which is going to make lots of bots, especially his conjunx very suspicious. But it`s not like he can do anything more to hide the whole thing. It will be a miracle if First Aid, Cobra or Drift don’t figure it out.  
Those are problems for the future, at the moment Ratchet was looking for the reproductive nanites injection, he would have to use it as a replacement for the constant interfacing and transfluid he needed from the Sire to be able to create the frame for the newspark. He found it and went over to one of the medi-berths and sat on it. He let his valve panel slide away and he shivered at the cool air that hit his valve, his red biolights blinking. He grabbed a small bottle of lubricant from one of the cabins next to the berth and slicked up the needle. Carefully he inserted the injection into his valve, and grimaced at the weird feeling of the cold and sticky fluid that filled his valve. Pulling out the injection he closed his panel before anything could leak out and stood up to dispose of the now empty needle. He knew it wouldn’t be enough to just use injections and he will need transfluid from Drift if he wanted to make sure the sparkling survived and was healthy. He didn’t know what he was going to use as a substitute for the spark merging, but for now this will have to do. As he heard First Aid arrive he greeted him without turning around and started his shift, the first income of injured mechs coming in this early in the day. Ratchet was grateful for it for the first time, at least now his processor will be too preoccupied to overthink and panic about his secret.  
Drift has been feeling extremely frustrated and tired from the way Ratchet has been acting. It was starting to get ridiculous, the lies and excuses he made to avoid Drift as much as possible. If Drift didn’t know him as well as he did, he would think Ratchet was trying to break up with him. But he knew him, and he was clearly trying to hide something from him. He wanted to wait for Ratchet to come to him and tell him what has been bothering him enough that he felt the need to avoid and even blatantly lie to his face. Ratchet has been recharging so much lately that Drift feared he just won`t wake up one of these days. He probably didn’t know that Drift noticed the amount of fuel he has been taking and didn’t know if he should be worried or happy, but he also felt confused as to why his lover would need so much and all of a sudden. Not wanting to make things even worse Drift kept quiet and worried in silence.  
He had two meetings with Cobra at Swerves by now, she had three theories she felt most confident about, but tonight he was heading to the bar for some time alone with a few drinks. Arriving at the bar, he sat at the closest empty table and called Swerve over and ordered his drink. Ratchet would probably be disgusted with his choice of beverage, he always complained how sweet it was, which was ironic, considering how much he liked sweets. Drift smiled at the memory, before his face fell again. He looked around the bar as he waited for his drink. There were some groups drinking and laughing, he noticed Cyclonus sitting with Tailgate in his lap, Inferno seemed to be talking with Riptide, he was explaining something to her very excitedly and she was looking at him like he was the only mech in the whole universe. He found Cobra sitting at her usual table in the back, looking at her amica fondly, which made him think of his own, who was currently throwing a tantrum over having to do paperwork. He felt a bit conflicted about Rodimus, he was currently mad at him, after he found out what he said to his cunjux while overcharged. Rodimus needed to learn to stop being a brat and to be more mature, to be more observant of other bots and things he said to them. He will have to work for Drifts forgiveness this time around, he didn’t hurt his feelings, he hurt his lovers, even if he knew that Ratchet was very depressive. Everybot knew, it was kind of hard not to.  
He didn’t notice that he was staring at Cobra until she snapped her helm in his direction and lock optics with him. She seemed to vibrate in her seat before she took her drink and started walking in his direction. By the time she made it to his table on the other side of the bar, Swerve left his engex cocktail in front of him. He sipped at it slowly as he watched the smaller femme jump onto the chair across his. The swordmech nodded at her in acknowledgement and saw her fanged mouth stretch into a bigger smile. ``So….`` Drift began waiting for her to continue with what she clearly wanted to say.  
``So, I figured out what is up with Ratchet`` she said puffing out her chest with pride, the lights on her neck cables flaring in her happiness at figuring it out. But the white bot didn’t notice her display, too busy thinking of what she would tell him. Except she didn’t continue she just kept looking at him, her optics filled with excitement and something else he couldn’t place. If he didn’t know better he would say it was longing.  
``Well? What is it? The suspense is killing me``, the only response he got was a squeal. ``Sorry but I can`t tell you, just know that it isn’t anything bad, I`m sure Ratchet will tell you any day now, just give him some time``. This made Drift very frustrated, the relief he felt a moment ago at the possibility of finally figuring out what is going out with his love now gone. He frowned at the femme and got up, he took his drink and drank it whole in one go, slammed the credits on the table and left, now tired and just wanting to recharge.  
He walked back to his and Ratchets hab-suite. He expected to find his lover in deep recharge like usual, he would crawl into berth behind him and wrap himself around his frame and fall into recharge with him. What he didn’t expect is to open the door and find Ratchet on his back, his legs spread wide open, his panels open, his valve dripping and making a puddle under his aft, one servo three digits deep into his wet valve, his red biolights flaring rhythmically with the clenching of the mesh walls, his other servo showing two digits into his mouth to try to muffle himself, oral lubricant trickling down the side of his face, his optics in a haze of arousal not even noticing Drift. 

Drift heard the door close behind him, but couldn’t move from his spot. What got Ratchets attention was the deep and loud sound the rev of Drifts engine made. He didn’t even realize he made the sound, he was too busy watching the slick valve. He walked over and climbed between Ratchets open legs. He took Ratchets servo and pulled it from his own valve, noticing Ratchet was watching him with foggy optics, he took the three fingers and slowly sucked each one clean. Ratchet moaned at the sensitivity on his hands. The hand that was in his mouth a moment ago was now pinned next to his head like the other one. The medic whined at the loss of all contact which got cut off by Drift who kissed him heatedly. The kiss was a battle of glossas, full of nips that made Ratchets engine rev brokenly. He seemed to have a bad case of a biting kink. Drift smirked as he pulled away from the kiss, trailing open mouthed kisses on his neck cabling and sucking on the scar that he left behind, making the bot under him moan loudly. He knew he wouldn’t last for long, considering that it has been a while since they last interfaced. His panel slid away and his black and red spike pressurized right against the silky smooth lips of the red and white valve. He rutted against the valve, gathering some of the lubrication and giving the anterior node some attention. It made the frame under his shiver and quiver in anticipation. ``Please, please, oh Drift, it hurts please just fill me up please I-`` but he got cut off by the scream that left his vocalizer at the sudden spike that entered him. Drift groaned at the velvety, warm mesh walls that surrounded him. He only lasted a few kliks, until Ratchet overloaded, which threw him over the edge too. He moaned as he buried his spike to the hilt, his knot expanding and locking them together. Ratchets labored vents brought Drift out of his post overload haze. He felt his cooling fans turn off and felt the frame under his move, one servo coming up and starting to pet one of Drifts finials. Drift shivered at the attention and kissed Ratchet slowly, enjoying each moment.  
He felt so happy and safe in that moment that he didn’t even notice when his chest plating opened up to expose his spark casing, but it felt natural. But when Ratchet noticed the glow of the spark, he flinched and looked away. ``Sorry Drift, I`m not up for merging, not today, `m too tired. Maybe tomorrow``. The bot above him ex-vented heavily and just re-positioned them so they were cuddling with Ratchet on his side and Drift hugging him from behind, the knot still connecting them, it would be a while before it got down anyway. They both pretended like they were recharging, knowing full well neither was getting any rest tonight.  
Drift was getting more than tired of this ridiculous behavior and he will get to the bottom of it even if he has to threaten Cobra into spilling information.  
It was two days later while Drift was on his shift, trying to calm down an enraged Inferno who was already starting to get so riled up that a few flames started to flicker off of her plating, while he was trying to do his paperwork and talk with Rodimus on how he will apologize to Ratchet that the call came in. Drift had a severe helmache pounding behind his optics at the hollering coming from the heated up seeker, her wings rigid in clear anger. She was vicious in her verbal assault, threat after threat coming from her. Not that Drift could really blame her, he would do the same if someone reduced his amica to a quiet, depressive scrap pile that didn’t even want to feed itself much less move. And he felt horrible for reducing Cobra to such a state, he knew he crossed a line when he mentioned her dead conjunx as a way to guilt her into telling him what he wanted to know about Ratchet. He apologized to the smaller femme, but she was too unresponsive at the moment, so he will have to wait for her to get out of her helm. In the meantime he is trying to not get melted into a puddle by the flaming seeker. He cut off Rodimuses comm at the request for another comm flashed in his HUD. He ex-vented and held his helm in his servo as he answered the call without looking at the caller ID.  
:.Drift, this is First Aid here, a little while ago Ratchet collapsed during shift. I took care of him and he is currently in an induced stasis. I suggest you come down here as soon as you can.:  
Before Drift had a time to process the information he just received, much less respond, First Aid cut off the comm. Drift after a klik of just sitting in his chair frozen, jerked and stood up nearly making the chair fall. He quickly shoved pass the scorching frame and didn’t even notice the burn it left on his shoulder where he bumped into Inferno on his way to the door. She looked at him her red optics wide and shining in confusion, but Drift didn’t have time for talking right now, much less explaining. He transformed in the corridor and the screeching of his tires and the roar of his engine where the only sounds he made as he speed down the hallways in the direction of the med-bay. He knew the way to there by spark now, and could find it even blindfolded.  
As he neared the door he transformed to his root form and slid up to the door. He pretty much ran into the med-bay, looking around for the berth that held his beloved. He saw First Aid who waved him over to the private room that stationed Ratchet. Once he finally saw the medics frame he finally opened his vents and let all the heat he build up on the way to here disperse into the room, trying to take in as much cool air as he could to calm down. He noticed the too still frames aura turned from its usual bright, lovely, spark blue, to a dull blue-greyish, murky color. It pained him to see his fiery and passionate Ratchet, reduced to this. He walked over to the side of the berth and took one of his servos in both of his and held it like a lifeline. His white and red paint has dulled out and he was covered with a heating tarp, clearly there to keep his frame from cooling and in the process freezing his lines and coolant.  
He heard the CMO in training enter the room and stand next to him with a datapad clenched in his servos. He was clearly deeply troubled by something, if his fidgeting and the flickering of his visor were anything to go by. Drift turned his helm towards the young medic, his finials twitching impatiently at his silence.  
``If you wanted to terminate it you could have just come here. I might not have my training completely done, but I know how to do this, frag, Ratchet could have led me through it if you didn’t trust me enough. But this? This is just torture for him, it is going to kill both of them at this rate. Drift what were you thinking?`` First Aids voice was very irritated and clearly angry at both him and his mentor. Drift bristled at the clear accusation pointed at him, his finials pulling back, baring his fanged denta at the other bot. ``And what is that supposed to mean? You think I forced Ratchet into this position? Pit, First Aid I have no idea what you are even talking about, all I know is that my conjunx started to avoid me and tried escaping my touch like I had rust, he has been tired more and more, he almost had a breakdown in a full fragging bar and yet he won`t even look me in the optics, much less talk to me about any of it. I have been in the dark for so long now as I watched Ratchets health deteriorate before my optics and I was helpless to do anything, because forcing him to talk about what was wrong would make him close off even more and make things worse. So no First Aid I have no idea what in the pit you are talking about right now. Terminate what? Does he have some virus or something?``. His outburst ended with a frightened First Aid backed into the wall and a very angry ex-Decepticon who was now glaring down at him and growling. His optics blazing and burning holes into the other bots plating, his EM field smothering the medic in pure anger. So this was the famous Deadlock that instilled fear into Decepticons and Autobots alike.  
There was a small silence that was only filled by the continuous beeping of the machines hooked up to Ratchets laying frame, and the growling of both Drifts engine and vocalizer, his plating still flared up in a threating display. There was a quiet ex-vent that came from the slightly trembling mech pinned against the wall.  
``Okay, okay, I`m sorry for assuming the worst, of course you wouldn’t put Ratchet in danger if you could help it. It was just the most logical conclusion, considering how close and open you two are. But it would seem I was a bit wrong``. This only earned him another growl, but Drift moved away and stood in his previous position next to Ratchet. ``And for the love of Primus, stop growling like a beastformer will you?``, but he didn’t get an answer, just the sound of Drifts engine quieting down. First Aid came over to stand next to the white speedster and took the datapad he came in here with that now had a crack in a corner where the medic clenched the screen too hard. He quickly looked over whatever was written on it, his visor brightening in clear worry. He glanced at Drift, then back at the datapad, then back to Drift, before heavily and tiredly ex-venting.  
``Ok so this is going to be a shocking reveal to you, so I suggest you sit down``, Drift didn’t move, just looked at him and raised an optical ridge. ``Fine, whatever, be difficult, but don’t complain when u collapse on the floor I don’t care. Basically what made him collapse today was that his spark energy has been getting weaker because something was feeding on it, th-`` he got cut off by the swordsmech. ``But that doesn’t explain all the other stuff, what about the constant fueling, the excessive tiredness, and let`s not forget how out of control his emotions have become. A spark parasite would not make all those symptoms``. He earned a glare from First Aid for getting interrupted. ``Well if you would let me finish my fragging sentences then you would know it`s not a spark parasite``. He was only met with pure confusion, Drifts EM field that was until now projecting anger/frustration/helplessness now was tightly pulled against his plating. ``Look Drift there is no easy way of telling you this. The reason for all of Ratchets weird and seemingly irrational behavior is that he is``, Drift looked expectedly at him, his optics hopeful `` sparked``. First Aid said the last word slowly and quietly. There was an uncomfortable silence that followed the revelation. The medic watched and waited for a reaction but got nothing. He didn’t know if he hated the emotional or the emotionless Drift. He didn’t know what to do, so he just stood and kept quiet.  
Drift on the other hand had a storm of emotions ragging inside of him. He felt angry and happy, sad and betrayed, but also numb. He just stared at his supposed carrying mate. He rebooted his vocalizer five times before he was confident he could use it to form words. ``Are you sure?``, First Aid jumped at the sudden question. ``Uh, yes, I`m sure, the sparkling has not been getting enough energy to sustain its spark, I suspect you hadn’t merged in a while, so it just found the closest spark energy to feed off of and latched onto it. I checked his gestation tank and the frame has started to form slowly, its fine, but it`s too small, probably because he didn’t get enough transfluid from you. It should be fine though. Now we can either terminate the newspark, or you and Ratchet will keep it, and will need to feed it more frequently to make up for the lost time. The choice is yours``. First Aid looked at the TIC waiting for an answer but just got a shake of the helm, his finials dropping slightly.  
``I don’t know yet. I will have to talk with Ratchet about it once he wakes up. I mean he didn’t even tell me about being sparked, did he know?`` he looked at the medic with a hopeful look that maybe Ratchet didn’t tell him because he also didn’t know. But First Aid just shook his helm ``Drift the only reason the frame in the gestation tank is somewhat okay is because besides the small amount of transfluid he got from you, he mixed it with reproductive nanite injections. I`m sorry Drift, but it`s impossible that he didn’t know, not for this long``.  
Drift bowed his helm and they fell into another silence. After a few kliks the white bot spoke up, his voice staticky ``Can I take him to our hab-suite? If he is stable that is``. First Aid walked closer to Drift to try and comfort him, but froze when he felt a bit of his EM field that was filled with agony/hurt/betrayal , his optics getting filled with coolant tears. The medics vent hitched and he just nodded and started on hooking his mentor off of all the machines he was connected to.  
He watched as the normally calm, happy TIC, now took his mate in a bridal style with the tarp still around him and sadly and longingly looked at him, before walking past First Aid and leaving the med-bay altogether. First Aid ex-vented in the silence and empty med-bay he was left in. He decided that disinfecting all the medical equipment will keep his processor occupied enough so that he wouldn’t worry too much about his mentor. He just hoped everything worked out for them.

Once they arrived to their hab, Drift carefully laid Ratchet onto the berth. The white mech gathered the soft blanket his lover stole from him in the past few solar-cycles and now with the information he knew, he understood that the blanket that smelled of his wax was probably calming to the new carrier. That thought made Drift clench his servos and close his optics, his engine reeving. All the weird metals he used to sprinkle in his meals now made much more sense too, he was eating for more than one, the frame in his gestation tank needing the metals along the transfluid to be able to be built. He felt a prick of hurt and anger go through his spark and made his plating flare up, he couldn’t understand why Ratchet would not tell him about this, their, miracle. Drift and Ratchet never talked about sparklings, it just never came up, and if the conversation went in that direction, Ratchet would immediately change the subject. Drift knew that he himself could never be a carrier, even though he changed his whole frame, his spark was not strong nor potent enough, not after all his years spent using and abusing drugs and all the stress he went through before and during the war. He would never admit it to anyone, but back early in the war, when things got too much, he thought of the bright optics, the careful servos, and kind words from the medic that saved him. He imagined a life where he could be enough for him, where he could be worthy of his love, where he could have a life with him. And in the darkest of moments, he imagined what their sparkling would look like, a creation made from their sparks, their love and devotion to one another. Those moments led him like a light in darkness when he felt like giving up. But his mood would always sour when he thought about having to explain and talk about his past and horrible choices to his innocent sparkling. He didn’t want his little creation to hate him, but he couldn’t really blame them if they did, he hated himself for those stupid decisions as well. Now all those dreams and fantasize were basically in his servos, except his mate didn’t want him to know about it. He couldn’t understand why, did Ratchet want to get rid of it in secret? Then why didn’t he do it already? Did he want to raise it alone? Did he realize that having and raising a sparkling with Drift would make this a too big of a commitment to the medic? Did he not completely forgive Drift after all? He had every right to do so, after Drift killed so many of his friends and comrades, and yet even with that knowledge Drift felt a stab of desperate fear at the mere notion of Ratchet leaving him. Of possibly taking their creation with him. If that ever happened, Drift would respect his decision, of course he would, he knew as a carrier what was best for their sparkling, and yet Drift knew that his spark could never survive that separation. To lose the bond he shared with his dear medic, the now familiar and comforting feeling of their bond in his spark, would no-doubt kill him.  
He reached through their bond and felt Ratchets anxiety and pushed comfort. The frame on the berth twitched, the plating flaring and shuddering from helm to pede, before calming and staying still again. Drift raises a servo to Ratchets helm, noticing the tremble in it, before lightly running it over the red, hot, chevron, noting the coolant that has gathered there. He absent-mindedly petted his helm, waiting for his mate to rouse, his processor full of self-loathing and fears of what their future would be, if there would even be one. He hadn’t noticed he offlined his optics, until he felt the helm under his servo move slightly. He onlined them quickly, looking expectantly and fearfully as his cunjux slowly came back online. He watched, almost transfixed, as Ratchet moved and nuzzled his servo, his engine rumbling pleasantly and in content, it made Drifts engine purr, he ex-vented happily and to Drifts utter surprise snuggle further under the blanket. He heard the exact moment Ratchet came fully online, his engine choking and abruptly stopping it`s earlier sounds.  
``When did I get to our hab? I could have sworn I was in the med-bay just, moments ago….`` Ratchet said, his voice laced with static, it would seem his vocalizer has not completely booted up yet. Drift didn’t say anything just looked at Ratchet, the silence stretched out, Drift wasn’t sure what to say, how to start this conversation, he didn’t want to scare his lover into a corner, before it was broken by the sound of the medics tank rumbling. Drift quickly moved to the dispenser in their room, grateful for having something to do while he came up with something more to say than point and say `you hid our sparkling from me, which almost cost you both of your lives`, he was never good at the whole words thing. He has always been more of an action type mech, but there wasn’t anything to do here. Not about this anywho. But Drifts processor was burning with the want to know why Ratchet put himself and the newspark in such danger, his frame moving from pede to pede, his engine thrummed with the need to move, transform, drive, race, do anything but just stand there and look as the cube in his servo filled with fuel. And yet that’s all he did. He walked back to Ratchets side and soundlessly presented him the full cube, waiting to see if the medic could hold it himself and not drop it. Once he was sure he let go and watched Ratchet take slow and steady sips, his optics diming slightly. ``Thank you for the cube, I didn’t realize how hungry I was, must have been what put me into the temporary stasis``. Ratchets poor attempt at lifting the mood was met with silence and Drifts field puling from his completely. Ratchets crocked smile fell and he looked at the energon in his cube with unfocused optics, before ex-venting and starting to drink again. Once he was near the bottom of the cube, Drift finally spoke.  
``Is that enough? Or do you want me to fetch another cube, considering you eat for two now``. Drift hadn’t meant for that bitter and petty thought to leave his processor, but he couldn’t stop his vocalizer after the first word. He felt a twisted sense of guilt and shame fill his frame at the way Ratchets optics flared in surprise, him choking on the energon in his intake, starting to cough to get it out of the wrong tubing it slid down. The pure wave of shock and fear that spilled into his field made Drift freeze where he stood, one servo stretched to try and comfort him. Once the coughing stopped, Ratchet reset his optics and looked at Drift.  
``You…know?`` it was a whisper, barley audible at all, Drift had to strain his hearing to catch it. It made a wave of rage pass through his frame, his engine rumbled in clear displeasure, his EM field flaring against his mates with anger. ``Did you think you could just hide it forever Ratchet? You do understand I`m not an idiot, right?`` his words came out harsher than he intended, basically accusations, even if the last thing he wanted to do right now was accuse him of anything. He couldn’t stop, his hurt and fear winning his processor over. But he noticed the state Ratchet was in and the coolant in his veins froze, his frame going stiff, his field pulling from his mates, his finials shooting up in his shock.  
Ratchet was shaking, his venting hard and uneven, his optics wide and unfocused, filled to the brim with unshed coolant tears, his red servos clutching the blanket like it was a lifeline, his field projecting pure fear/terror/guilt. What surprised Drift the most was that his usual blue aura was now a deep, deep marine blue, almost black. It made his spark fill with shame and guilt that he was the one to cause such fear to his sparkmate, his Ratty. He tried to comfort him, but when his field tried to intertwine with Ratchets, it caused the medic to flinch and produce a low-whine like sound. Drift made a step in his direction, and Ratchets servos flew up to cover his chest-plating, right over his spark. He was trying to protect the newspark from Drift. He was afraid of Drift. He saw Drift as a threat to himself and their sparkling. That hurt more than any hit or wound ever had. Drifts finials snapped low, his engine making a low, whine like sound, before he forcefully stopped it. He had to calm down, and show his lover there was nothing that would hurt him or the sparkling in his chest. Drift let his field project calm/safe and lightly brush against the medics. Once his field wasn’t pushed against in rejection, but slowly pulled against and towards the red and white mechs, did Drift dare to move. He made a loud purr with his engine, letting Ratchet know he was happy, before moving another step. A few kliks later, Drift was close enough to be able to reach Ratchet with just extending his servos. But just when Drift thought he made progress, and was able to touch Ratchets faceplate with a servo, Ratchet came out of whatever haze he was in and flinched, before letting his tears flow and opening his mouth to speak. But the first time nothing but static and glitched words came out, so he tried again, this time he was successful. He grabbed Drifts servo that laid on his faceplate with both of his, and tightly held it against his plating, right above his spark chamber. He looked at Drift with wide, desperate and pleading eyes, seemingly never ending tears of coolant flowing down his face plate like rivers. It made Drifts spark ache with pain at seeing his strong and calm mate so distraught. But it was the words that came out of his vocalizer that made Drifts spark freeze.  
``Drift, please, I know that I should have told you, I know. I was stupid and wasn’t thinking, and, and you can be mad, as mad as you want with me. But please, I am begging you, please don’t make me terminate our little spark. I know that this isn’t a good time for a sparkling, I know, you are the TIC of this chaotic ship and I`m the CMO, we are both too busy, I know. But we can make it work, I can take days off, or, or even a vacation, or a leave. I can go back to work once the little one is a bit older. It probably won`t be easy, but I can make it work I swear, I can still be useful in the med-bay. And you maybe don’t even like, sparklings-`` his vocalizer glitched out again, but he forcefully reset it and continued his frantic and desperate speech ``We never talked about them, but, just please don’t take it from me. I don’t think I could survive another termination. If you don’t wish to be involved I will understand, but please just merge with me to feed the newspark. I know it’s a lot to ask, but please, don’t make me go through this again, I can`t let another newspark get torn away from me, please Drift I will do anything-`` his vocalizer cut off again but this time no matter how many times he reset it, it only produced static. He gave up and just looked at Drifts optics, putting all his fear and anxiety and desperation into his pleading gaze. Drift looked at him, his optics wide and filled with confusion and shock, his frame still, his vents closed, his finials held low, the servo pressed against Ratchets chest-plating clenching into a fist. Ratchet saw it as rejection and his vocalizer produced a high pitched, static filled, spark-wrenching whine. His optics offlined, he couldn’t look at Drift anymore. After a few kliks filled with nothing but Ratchets sobbing and high pitched whines, his cries being broken only by his ragged vents and static filled begging. Ratchet knew it was futile, Drift already made up his mind, but he didn’t know what else to do. All he could think about was the innocent, helpless little light in his chest that relied on his protection, and he was once again filled with overwhelming grief, I`m sorry little one, I`m sorry I failed you too, I hope you just know how much I love you, he thought even more tears gushing out of his optics and clutching the servo he held to his chest even tighter.  
A sudden feeling of a servo against his cheek made him flinch hard, his optics onlining so fast that the fuse in them almost blew out. He looked at Drift, confused, but was met with an angry looking Drift. His finials were pulled back tightly against his helm, his servo on Ratchets chest clenched so hard he dented his own palm, his optics were blazing with rage, his engine giving a roar. Ratchet flinched and whimpered, pulling back and trying to make himself as small as possible. This made Drift pull the servo that was against the medics chest and put it against the other side of Ratchets helm, holding it between both servos and making him look at Drift in the optics. Finally Drift spoke up, his voice loud and filled with static in clear rage.  
``Ratchet what do you mean `make you terminate again`? I need you to calm down and tell me. I am not mad at you, I promise``. His words made the crushing anxiety calm down, but it didn’t disappear, he didn’t really trust him, not with the way he said the comforting words. He once again reset his vocalizer, and his voice wasn’t as glitchy as before, but was still staticky.  
``Back before the war, just before I opened the clinic in the Dead End, when I was still with Pharma, I found out I was sparked. I was so happy, I always loved sparklings, and having one with the mech I loved was like a dream come true. But Pharma, he didn’t like them, he saw them as annoying and nuisances, not to mention back then we didn’t have time to refuel, much less take care of a sparkling. I knew he was right, I knew, but, I, I already loved the little thing. I know it was too early for my carrier coding to activate, I knew I was a carrier only for a day, but I, I loved it. Pharma made me an appointment for termination, I hated every moment of it, but it wasn’t like I could do anything about it. Even if I didn’t terminate it I know Pharma wouldn’t merge with me for sustaining of the newspark, it was less painful terminating it then letting it starve and flicker out on its own. But it still fragging hurt, my depression got so much worse after that, every little thing set it off and the episodes got much worse. The only reason I pulled out of it was because I knew the bots in the Dead End needed me, so I pulled myself out of the self-pity``. He tried saying more but his vocalizer cut off. He tried venting but he choked on a sob and coughed looking at Drift expecting an angry reaction. But was surprised when he felt the field of the other bot cover his frame in a strong protective blanket. He leaned over and pressed a kiss against his chevron. An involuntary whimper left his vocalizer, and Drift kissed his chevron again, the digit on his cheek-plates slowly moving in little circles. When he spoke his voice was firm and strong.  
``Ratchet what you went through was not okay, nor was it right. You were forced to terminate your creation against your will. That is something no-bot should go through. And I am so sorry that it happened to you, you deserved to be happy. I am happy that Pharma got what he deserved in the end. I am also happy that you want to have our newspark. I would and will NEVER ask nor make you terminate a sparkling against your will``. Drift held his optics as he explained. Ratchet was too afraid to even vent, scared that this dream would shatter. He was scared this was an illusion, he couldn’t believe Drift was actually on his side, said it wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t, right? He couldn’t do anything. But this time, he could, and he would protect this little light in his chest with every ounce of his strength. Drift looked at him with expecting optics, waiting for a response.  
``I want to keep it. I really want to keep it Drift. You don’t have to stick around after the emergence. I mean I don’t even know if you even like sparklings. And I`m not going to force you to be a sire, not if you don’t want to``. Ratchet stopped crying, but the shaking in his frame couldn’t seem to stop no matter how hard he tried.`` Oh Ratch, I couldn’t be more happier to be given the opportunity to be a creator with you-`` he was on his knees on the berth, and hugged Ratchet, petting the back of his helm ``I can`t believe that I was allowed to be a sire, to your sparkling, our sparkling. I promise to you that I want nothing more than to love you and our newspark, and watch it grow, alongside you, if you let me. I understand that if you don’t want me near the sparkling, not with the past I had, but I swear to you that I am not that bot, not anymore, and haven’t been for a long while. After all Primus led me to the right path``. He felt more than heard Ratchet chuckle, felt the fresh tears that left his optics and hit Drifts neck cables, where Ratchet hid his faceplate. ``Of course I want you to raise our creation with me, how could I not? We will need your never ending patience for when the sparkling starts throwing temper tantrums. I mean you kind of already deal with a grown sparkling and his tantrums in the form of our dear captain regularly``.  
``Yeah, well try being his amica``, he felt Ratchet shudder against his plating and laughed.  
``Please don’t give me nightmares. And please, Primus didn’t lead you down slag, you did all of it yourself. You pulled yourself from the gutters, you gave up the drugs, you left the Decepticons and gave up the guns for swords, you made it here all by yourself, because you are strong enough to survive all of that and come out on top. It wasn’t any deity. It wasn’t any higher power. It was all you Drift. And I`m so happy that you became the bot I saw you could be back in the Dead End``. There was a silence where Ratchet thought he said something wrong and ruined the tender moment, only to feel Drift tremble slightly and hear a choked sob. He looks up from his place against his neck and saw Drift with a blinding smile and tears on his faceplate. Drift surges down and captures Ratchets mouth in a heated kiss. It was filled with denta and laughter, more them smashing their mouths together than actual kissing, but neither cared. It was perfect.  
``Hey, now that we are on the same page, how about we merge our sparks and feed the sparkling? I don’t want to put it off any longer, it was put off long enough already`` Ratchet broke the kiss to ask. Drift optics lit up and his face split into a giddy smile as he looked down at Ratchet with pure happiness. When he notices Ratchet slowly start to retract his chest-plating, he moved a bit back to give him enough space and a better view. He watched in awe and wonder when the spark chamber finally came into sight. He completely froze when he noticed the small light slowly rotating around it. He very slowly crawled closer, and brought his helm up to his mates spark, his optics open wide with adoration and love. He lightly brushed his servo against the spark and felt a jolt go through his frame and to his spark. He smiled at the familiar feeling, but it immediately disappeared at the feeling of the lighter jolt that clearly came from the newspark. His optics flared with light so bright Ratchet worried he would blow a fuse. The medic got worried after two full kliks passed in the same position.  
All of a sudden Drifts demeanor completely changed. His optics lowered and there was something strong and powerful in his gaze. It washed over Ratchet and made him relax and lay back on the berth. Drift was on him in seconds, his own plating moving aside to expose his spark. He lowered until their sparks finally after so long merged. They both moaned at the feeling. It felt so good to be connected like this, being one. It felt right. Drifts engine roared and the vibration that went through Ratchets frame made the medic moan. ``Oh, Drift, how I missed our mergings, hopefully we will be able to make up for all the lost time``. He didn’t get a verbal answer, just a rev of the powerful speedster engine and a static filled growl against his neck cable. He felt Drift move his frame, positioning it over his own, as if trying to cover the bot under his with his own completely, as if trying to protect him and his exposed spark and newspark from something. Even though there was absolutely nothing to hurt them in here. It made Ratchet laugh quietly. ``Aww, what`s wrong Drift, did your Sire coding already activate?`` Ratchet crooned in his audial. Sire coding activated almost instantly after they see or feel their sparkling for the first time, it activated before the carrier coding, due to them taking the role of the protector and caretaker of the carrier and creation. Ratchet knew that logically, after all the studying about the subject he did during his school days, but he never saw one this up close. Or happening to him and his mate. But the swordsmechs response made him freeze.  
``Ratch, anything, and I mean anything you want, you need, I promise you, you will get it. As much fuel as you want, with all the metal toppings you want. You will never feel hunger, your tank will never be anything but full. You won`t be cold, I`ll get you all the plush, soft blankets you want, I will even make sure it smells like my wax. You will never have to fear for yourself nor the sparkling. I swear the space itself would have to rip open before I let anyone or anything hurt either of you. Not even Primus himself could stop me from protecting you. All the spark merging you need, all the interfacing and transfluid you need. Anything you need, want, just say it and it will be yours``. Ratchet felt like the air was punched out of his vents. His whole world consisting of the frame covering his protectively, the rumble and roar of its engine, the feeling of the field surrounding him in protective/possessive/happy , the feeling of their two sparks, their two beings, becoming one and the feeling of a small tug from the newspark that rotated around theirs and syphoned the energy from them. Ratchet has never felt happier and he let all his gratitude and love spill in his field. Drift at the felling of the field, responded with his own in earnest, smothering him in devotion/love/adoration. Ratchet vented hard and kissed the finial nearest to him, petting the other one, which earned him a loud purr. He kissed down the finial, to the audial, where he whispered. ``I love you, now I want you to frag me through the berth so hard I will be able to feel your spike in my aching valve for the next solar-cycle``. He felt a full frame shudder and a loud roar from Drifts engine, a groan next to his audial. He felt Drift start to rut frantically against his valve cover. He moaned and smiled when he realized that Drift was repeatedly saying I love you next to his audial, his optics getting wet with coolant again. He smiled as he slid his valve cover aside. They would be ok. All three of them. They still needed to talk about many things, but for this one blissful moment, they would forget about everything else, besides them and their newspark. This was only the beginning after all.

**Author's Note:**

> That is it for now. Again i will try to write and post the next part as soon as possible. But i make no promises bc universe doesnt like me, so who knows what wil happen in the meantime. Write comments, leave kudos, go do your hw or job and fuck off <3


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